when emotions flow tru my fingers
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
A letter to love
I don't know if I should call you love anymore. But you will always be my baby.
Well baby, here's the thing. You never said you were sorry. Baby, I can't possibly come back crawling to you. Baby, I got pride. You treated me like some kind of spring. No matter how heavy how frequent the pressure, the beating is, I'll come back straight again. No, I am not that elastic. In fact, I am pretty fragile. You can stitch me right back up, though I wont be the same but I'll try to serve you the same, even better so that you will promise not to break me again.
Baby, you are so alone. You were and you are. Always will be. I tried to fixed you, and you were better. But only for a moment.
How can I say I need you when I am so much better without you? How can I say I'm sorry when I have done nothing wrong? Baby, if I could write everything about you, it would be a blank page. Because that is all there is about you. Blank. Emptiness. Loneliness.
Well baby, here's the thing. You never said you were sorry. Baby, I can't possibly come back crawling to you. Baby, I got pride. You treated me like some kind of spring. No matter how heavy how frequent the pressure, the beating is, I'll come back straight again. No, I am not that elastic. In fact, I am pretty fragile. You can stitch me right back up, though I wont be the same but I'll try to serve you the same, even better so that you will promise not to break me again.
Baby, you are so alone. You were and you are. Always will be. I tried to fixed you, and you were better. But only for a moment.
How can I say I need you when I am so much better without you? How can I say I'm sorry when I have done nothing wrong? Baby, if I could write everything about you, it would be a blank page. Because that is all there is about you. Blank. Emptiness. Loneliness.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
He is my rain.
He purifies.
He is my rain.
When he doesn't give me a cold.
or a flu
you gave me the feeling of being under the blanket in a room filled with lavender and vanilla smell with heavy rains pouring outside.
i could write about you all my life, I just need to miss you first.
and
your love is flawed, it is imperfect and cold.
Bloodstain
Rain,
It will wash the blood on the roads.
Rain,
It gives you a new start.
Rain,
It washes all your guilt away.
Even if last night was cold and you can't take away that memory with that stranger.
Rain,
So that it looks like the sun is giving you a second chance.
It will wash the blood on the roads.
Rain,
It gives you a new start.
Rain,
It washes all your guilt away.
Even if last night was cold and you can't take away that memory with that stranger.
Rain,
So that it looks like the sun is giving you a second chance.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Have you ever felt like a puppet on a string? Have you ever been told to lose the only thing that you love because it doesn't goes with the plan?
Feeling hurt, betrayed like you have no place to go, no one to talk to. Being asked to do thing that the puppet master feels right. No one knows how much it hurts to let go the person you want the most. And it is not even about wanting, it is about needing. When he is the only thing that is right in this fucked up life. And just when you made one simple mistake, you automatically become the wall where people throw their hate, their tension all this while.
It was one mistake. No one asked to listen to me.
I had no one. And when I did found someone, it feels beautiful but we slipped through. But we were kids, we didn't think through.
Why is it that he is the only one to blame? Why hasn't anyone ever asked me how twisted and wicked life had been for me this past 10 years. Fuck, I was so fucking strong for everyone. I OBEYED. But when it comes to one mistake, every single decision of my life is a mistake.
Forcing someone to leave someone so dearly to them leaves a mark in anybody's life. And within time the mark will be filled with vengeance. No one can tell how much it hurts. And revenge is always the best fulfilling comeback ever.
Feeling hurt, betrayed like you have no place to go, no one to talk to. Being asked to do thing that the puppet master feels right. No one knows how much it hurts to let go the person you want the most. And it is not even about wanting, it is about needing. When he is the only thing that is right in this fucked up life. And just when you made one simple mistake, you automatically become the wall where people throw their hate, their tension all this while.
It was one mistake. No one asked to listen to me.
I had no one. And when I did found someone, it feels beautiful but we slipped through. But we were kids, we didn't think through.
Why is it that he is the only one to blame? Why hasn't anyone ever asked me how twisted and wicked life had been for me this past 10 years. Fuck, I was so fucking strong for everyone. I OBEYED. But when it comes to one mistake, every single decision of my life is a mistake.
Forcing someone to leave someone so dearly to them leaves a mark in anybody's life. And within time the mark will be filled with vengeance. No one can tell how much it hurts. And revenge is always the best fulfilling comeback ever.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
JCP
I found it funny that the western culture is having so much trouble with their "modern lifestyles". Racism, self-esteem are among of the trouble. I recently read about this issue where t-shirt for kids (girls) are sold with the statement "i'm too pretty to do homework, so my brother has to do it for me", or something like that.And it was considered very controversial.Well, in my opinion, maybe the western culture shouldn't be too obsessed with the Hollywood image in the first place.A lot of the gossip blog, TV shows or such use very harsh words in describing what it "in" and out for fashion. I always read how people who are not so pretty being put down and critized for fashion mishap and such just because they do not look good enough. Being pretty is such a huge deal for the western culture. If someone decided that you are not pretty enough, you might get bully and such. I never could understand the intensity of the bullying cases in the western culture but i do heard quite a number of high school students who commit suicide due to being bullied. I do not know this in number but I have never really heard anyone being bullied to death in my country. Because we accept people for who they are and if people are not pretty, they always have something else to make up for it and that is they main thing that we see. I do not feel the urge to be with just pretty friends only. Even if I saw someone being bullied, I would support him/her not just leave them behind just because they are the school's outcast. To be honest, I am so glad I am an Asian. Technically, we are smarter and I am not worried of the problems that my daughter will call me by my name, sleeping around,being bullied, being extremely rude or promiscuous and disrespect for me BECAUSE it rarely happens in here.
Monday, June 18, 2012
I have always wanted to make a difference.
I may not be a great individual for myself but who not life for others?]
Why not live to remember?
Helps can come in many ways..
Money food even love can be a help
Why I cant i sacrifice my love for one person that I want the most for someone else to make everyone happy?
Will they remember me? As someone who gave her all,her life, her breath for a guy just to put smiles on everyone's faces
I may not be a great individual for myself but who not life for others?]
Why not live to remember?
Helps can come in many ways..
Money food even love can be a help
Why I cant i sacrifice my love for one person that I want the most for someone else to make everyone happy?
Will they remember me? As someone who gave her all,her life, her breath for a guy just to put smiles on everyone's faces
Thursday, June 7, 2012
The heart is a selfish thing.
The only thing she knows is to have what she want.
Why is it that the heart is so intolerable?
Why can she give to others?
And why does the distances make the hearts grow fonder?
When one heart walk away from the other, shouldn't it be easy to forget?
The heart never thinks.
She never considerate others.
She never think about the fate, the prejudices, the perception, the words from other.
Why?
Why won't you think dear heart?
You're making me die.
The only thing she knows is to have what she want.
Why is it that the heart is so intolerable?
Why can she give to others?
And why does the distances make the hearts grow fonder?
When one heart walk away from the other, shouldn't it be easy to forget?
The heart never thinks.
She never considerate others.
She never think about the fate, the prejudices, the perception, the words from other.
Why?
Why won't you think dear heart?
You're making me die.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Typical
How do you define beauty?
When do you call someone beautiful?
A girl always dreamed of people calling her gorgeous, pretty, stunning.
Why?
Why do I need those affirmation?
Why can't I feel pretty on my own?
Why do I need words of assurance saying that I am pretty?
It's true they say.
Call a girl pretty and she will forget it tomorrow.
But call her ugly and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
Who do we look up to when we want to talk about someone pretty?
Let say megan fox for example.
She was genetically blessed, she was a cute baby.
She was already perfect when she discovered the magic of air brush and plastic surgery.
And now she looks like an artificial angel.
If this is the example I am going to look up to for the rest of my life, then
I will suffer..
I will never afford those skin degenerating or whatever they call it that make her skin look like plastic.
So what do I do?
Well, I ask him whether I am pretty or not.
And guess what he said?
When do you call someone beautiful?
A girl always dreamed of people calling her gorgeous, pretty, stunning.
Why?
Why do I need those affirmation?
Why can't I feel pretty on my own?
Why do I need words of assurance saying that I am pretty?
It's true they say.
Call a girl pretty and she will forget it tomorrow.
But call her ugly and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
Who do we look up to when we want to talk about someone pretty?
Let say megan fox for example.
She was genetically blessed, she was a cute baby.
She was already perfect when she discovered the magic of air brush and plastic surgery.
And now she looks like an artificial angel.
If this is the example I am going to look up to for the rest of my life, then
I will suffer..
I will never afford those skin degenerating or whatever they call it that make her skin look like plastic.
So what do I do?
Well, I ask him whether I am pretty or not.
And guess what he said?
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
....
The fear when I realize he isn’t mine anymore,
He surrender,
When I say I’ll give it back, he said just keep it or give it to someone else,
When all he utters is one word and one word only,
Okey, yes, sure, k, em.
He surrender,
He used to be such a fighter,
Every breath, every step, every embrace, used to be so sturdy and firm,
But now life has been taken away from him, he is soulless,
An empty house, dead flowers, rusted tri-cycle,
Dead hope and backward smile.
When he let go too easy,
Scrapped paint, torn sheets,
Mad eyes, heart screaming out, soul reaching out,
For something that is no longer there,
It chose not to be there,
For hope and passion is something to be handled with care,
A bird does not sing unless for another bird,
What binds us?
Everything is to no use now,
Words have been said, hearts have been broken,
Winds blow in hope of bringing new memories,
But it will never be the same, isn’t it?
For better or for worse, cut my throat and throw me away,
For that is easier than tearing apart from you.
He surrender,
When I say I’ll give it back, he said just keep it or give it to someone else,
When all he utters is one word and one word only,
Okey, yes, sure, k, em.
He surrender,
He used to be such a fighter,
Every breath, every step, every embrace, used to be so sturdy and firm,
But now life has been taken away from him, he is soulless,
An empty house, dead flowers, rusted tri-cycle,
Dead hope and backward smile.
When he let go too easy,
Scrapped paint, torn sheets,
Mad eyes, heart screaming out, soul reaching out,
For something that is no longer there,
It chose not to be there,
For hope and passion is something to be handled with care,
A bird does not sing unless for another bird,
What binds us?
Everything is to no use now,
Words have been said, hearts have been broken,
Winds blow in hope of bringing new memories,
But it will never be the same, isn’t it?
For better or for worse, cut my throat and throw me away,
For that is easier than tearing apart from you.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
If love could kill,I'd be a zombie by now.
Dead over and over again.
Two elements that bring much destruction.
Death has never been wanted so bad before.
If it is the only way,why not?
The world mean nothing, yet it has so much power.
What weak creatures we are.
We succumb to the demands and expectations,to live.
To live for respect,pride and glory.
But what for?
When he is the sun,the moon,the light,the stars,the wind,the rain,the smiles.
What's left to be proud of?
Let the soul suffer for the body sake.
Pride over love.
Glory over magic.
106,
Soft brown,freshly painted walls,
Soft beds joined together,
Vanilla scented skin,
Fresh sneakers,cap,skinny jeans & cropped t shirt,
Sitting by the balcony,
Her head on his chest,
Morning birds chirping,
This could be forever,
Why won't you allow us to..
We were teenagers,
So sure of what we felt,
When everyone else say it is wrong.
How could it be so wrong when it felt so right?
They say she's could do better.
They don't know,
Body is a rent,
Ages it will before taken back,
What remains?
Soul, and with souls we love and live.
Dead over and over again.
Two elements that bring much destruction.
Death has never been wanted so bad before.
If it is the only way,why not?
The world mean nothing, yet it has so much power.
What weak creatures we are.
We succumb to the demands and expectations,to live.
To live for respect,pride and glory.
But what for?
When he is the sun,the moon,the light,the stars,the wind,the rain,the smiles.
What's left to be proud of?
Let the soul suffer for the body sake.
Pride over love.
Glory over magic.
106,
Soft brown,freshly painted walls,
Soft beds joined together,
Vanilla scented skin,
Fresh sneakers,cap,skinny jeans & cropped t shirt,
Sitting by the balcony,
Her head on his chest,
Morning birds chirping,
This could be forever,
Why won't you allow us to..
We were teenagers,
So sure of what we felt,
When everyone else say it is wrong.
How could it be so wrong when it felt so right?
They say she's could do better.
They don't know,
Body is a rent,
Ages it will before taken back,
What remains?
Soul, and with souls we love and live.
One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go
I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I know,
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go
I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I know,
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
pleasure
when it replaces the oxygen you breath in,
can you stop it from absorbing in?
into every pores and holes,
when it no longer feels wrong,
can you stop your hands?
from exploring prohibited land,
when it becomes a routine,
waking up to it,
comfortable dampness,
redo it all over again.
can you resist?
scream out your loudest silence for nothing is pure now.
can you stop it from absorbing in?
into every pores and holes,
when it no longer feels wrong,
can you stop your hands?
from exploring prohibited land,
when it becomes a routine,
waking up to it,
comfortable dampness,
redo it all over again.
can you resist?
scream out your loudest silence for nothing is pure now.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
when you have a daughter,
expect her to do mistakes.
forgive her when she does,
expect her to rebel,
she can't control her hormones.
expect her to date the wrong guy,
she can't decide which is right and wrong,
expect her to hate you,
she can't tell between hate and love,
expect her to talk back,
she think she is smarter than you,
expect her to disobey you,
her friends are the only thing that matter to her now.
expect her to steal, fight and cry.
she needs all that.
but when a daughter doesn't do any of the above.
then you should be worried.
because when she is 23, she will start to miss you.
she will miss your smell, the way you holds her when she is sick and asleep.
they way you comb her hair.
she will miss your cooking, she will miss home.
because at 23,a mother is the only home for a daughter.
she will realize that you were right-all the way,
and she will prove it then.
she will thank you for handling her with patient,
she may not show it with words, but you shall feel it :)
Because you are my mother and I will give my arms for you.
expect her to do mistakes.
forgive her when she does,
expect her to rebel,
she can't control her hormones.
expect her to date the wrong guy,
she can't decide which is right and wrong,
expect her to hate you,
she can't tell between hate and love,
expect her to talk back,
she think she is smarter than you,
expect her to disobey you,
her friends are the only thing that matter to her now.
expect her to steal, fight and cry.
she needs all that.
but when a daughter doesn't do any of the above.
then you should be worried.
because when she is 23, she will start to miss you.
she will miss your smell, the way you holds her when she is sick and asleep.
they way you comb her hair.
she will miss your cooking, she will miss home.
because at 23,a mother is the only home for a daughter.
she will realize that you were right-all the way,
and she will prove it then.
she will thank you for handling her with patient,
she may not show it with words, but you shall feel it :)
Because you are my mother and I will give my arms for you.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Get off my little head
It's like you're screaming inside & no one can hear.
You feel ashamed that someone is that important.
That without them you are nothing.
If death is so easy, you wouldn't mind dying.
SO that things will get easier for either one.
Angry mad eyes.
Just for another minute-bring him here,
And all is fine.
You feel ashamed that someone is that important.
That without them you are nothing.
If death is so easy, you wouldn't mind dying.
SO that things will get easier for either one.
Angry mad eyes.
Just for another minute-bring him here,
And all is fine.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
young, free & in love
Memories live in scents, vision & touch.
Blowing night chilly wind tru the passenger seat window.
Hair blowing in my face.
Turn around and watch you smile.
Changing clothes in the gas station stop.
The look on your face when I walk towards you.
Fresh sneakers, skinny jeans, floral top.
Spicy burgers from the fast food drive thru.
Laughing with food in our mouths.
Fighting for the last fries.
Blowing night chilly wind tru the passenger seat window.
Hair blowing in my face.
Turn around and watch you smile.
Changing clothes in the gas station stop.
The look on your face when I walk towards you.
Fresh sneakers, skinny jeans, floral top.
Spicy burgers from the fast food drive thru.
Laughing with food in our mouths.
Fighting for the last fries.
Reloading
Comfort.Why is it so important for us to be comforted?Why do we have to sit on velvet cushions,why do we have to wear satin dresses?Why do we have to take warm bath,why do we need to be hugged?
Why do we seek comfort?
I do not have plastic skin,
That needs no layering, touching the scorching sun.
I do not have mechanical hands,
That does not tires my flawed body.
My heart is not made of steel-battery powered.
It does not beat steady when I want it to.
My mechanical body loves the rain.
For it brings me to life.
My mechanical body has an emotional heart.
My heart is a baby.
Tender,weak & fragile.
You plugged life into me.
Charging it to 100%.
But just as you walk away,
The battery dies.
I can't replace the battery,I tried
I never knew there's only one made to be compatible.
Why do we seek comfort?
I do not have plastic skin,
That needs no layering, touching the scorching sun.
I do not have mechanical hands,
That does not tires my flawed body.
My heart is not made of steel-battery powered.
It does not beat steady when I want it to.
My mechanical body loves the rain.
For it brings me to life.
My mechanical body has an emotional heart.
My heart is a baby.
Tender,weak & fragile.
You plugged life into me.
Charging it to 100%.
But just as you walk away,
The battery dies.
I can't replace the battery,I tried
I never knew there's only one made to be compatible.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I love birds in their natural habitat, i love the woods, i love wedding dresses, i love cottages, i love the forest, waterfall, lakes. I love small flowers in decorations and real life. I love Peter Rabbit, I love vanilla (the smell & the taste), i love lasagna the most. I sincerely love bird watching and taking photos of natural scenes. I love floral design on dresses. I love marshmallows. I love Mort the madagascar character. I adore megan fox. I love salmon. I love vitamins. I love goat milk+honey. I love new white tee paired with black skinny. I love milk and dairies. I love the view from my window during the dawn. I love sweating, jumping around.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
KIL
Long extended sharp pain.
Daze.
One more chance,just one more.
I'll live with one petal,just one.
Just reverse this so I will see it coming.Just 8 minutes ago.
I still have so much to tell.
Red,wet,cold.
Is it coming?
Can you hold my hand when it comes?
It's too cold.
I just needed one more chance,I'll live with one petal.
Daze.
One more chance,just one more.
I'll live with one petal,just one.
Just reverse this so I will see it coming.Just 8 minutes ago.
I still have so much to tell.
Red,wet,cold.
Is it coming?
Can you hold my hand when it comes?
It's too cold.
I just needed one more chance,I'll live with one petal.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sometimes it is just to hard to live without you. It is just so hard to breathe, thinking you are far and that you can never be that close to me anymore. What's harder than letting go something you need and can't live without? Why would I fall in love with you when you would cause me so much pain? So much pain yet you make me smile-the purest..
I have loved you more than anything else in the world-combined.I can just stare into your eyes and says I LOVE YOU, hundreds and hundreds time over and over again. If loneliness could kill, I'd be lying with daisies by now. This longing, this emptiness I feel.What is my fault?
I don't need you but I just can't live without you.I'll be just fine without, I'll walk, I'll talk, I'll even smile.But like a cold stone, I am numb cold and lifeless.
Could love you all my life if they just gave me the chance to be with you.
I have to hate you, it is a must.I can't even cry anymore.I am already in the state of crying all the time-even when I am smiling.
I have loved you more than anything else in the world-combined.I can just stare into your eyes and says I LOVE YOU, hundreds and hundreds time over and over again. If loneliness could kill, I'd be lying with daisies by now. This longing, this emptiness I feel.What is my fault?
I don't need you but I just can't live without you.I'll be just fine without, I'll walk, I'll talk, I'll even smile.But like a cold stone, I am numb cold and lifeless.
Could love you all my life if they just gave me the chance to be with you.
I have to hate you, it is a must.I can't even cry anymore.I am already in the state of crying all the time-even when I am smiling.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Continuum
I wrote something terrible about a bestfriend and today is the day that I regret it.It's okay to be wrong at times.God still loves us the same.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
This is what I want you to know. You are a good friend. You help me a lot and I thank you for that. Like how you give me meds when I am sick. It's just that sometimes you can be so fake. They way that you look at people. You look at them from up to down. It is a very unsincere look and I am not the only one who said so. One more thing, you LIE A LOT. Like a lot, and the bad thing is I figured them out.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Simple Logic
Girlfriend : I'm sorry that I am not good enough.I'm not pretty enough, not skinny enough.
Boyfriend : It's okay.Me neither.
So the above dialogue is how a boy SHOULD NOT respond to when a girl says she's not pretty! She just wants to hear how pretty she is. Is it that hard to figure out?
Girlfriend : I'm sorry that I am not pretty enough for you.
Boyfriend : Are you kidding me??? You are the prettiest girl I had ever laid my eyes on.
Girlfriend : Awwwww !! XD
Boyfriend : It's okay.Me neither.
So the above dialogue is how a boy SHOULD NOT respond to when a girl says she's not pretty! She just wants to hear how pretty she is. Is it that hard to figure out?
Girlfriend : I'm sorry that I am not pretty enough for you.
Boyfriend : Are you kidding me??? You are the prettiest girl I had ever laid my eyes on.
Girlfriend : Awwwww !! XD
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Content?
What is perfection to you? How do you define a perfect life? Love? Money? Pleasure? Or it is a mixture of everything. I always felt unpretty. The feeling was rather worst during my high school years. Compared to my friends, I have always the ugliest especially when my friends were those popular girls and they had amazing skins and pretty faces. And of course they had boyfriends too. I don't. I had pimples. Pimples were always my biggest issues in school. I was not fair and was awkwardly too tall. To add on it, I have unibrows. I never had a boyfriend until I was 16. My other friends were already dating when they were 14. Even when I was 16, I tried my best to hide my flaws. I wore lots of make ups to school just to cover up those scars and redness and bumps on my face. That has gotten me with minor troubles with either the female teachers or the other girls. They felt that I am a slut for doing so. I was not contented with myself at that time.If I had normal skin like the other girls,I wouldn't even wear the lightest powder on my face. And also because I was awkwardly tall, I walked differently. However, to some girls they just thought that I was showing off,behaving like I am some kind of a super model. Sometimes I get sad when I see my friends effortlessly goes out without any effort to look great but they still look pretty. When I have to layer my face with foundations and cover ups just to look normal. All I wanted at that time was a normal skin. But later things have changed, I found this great product that claimed to have cure acnes. Then when I was 18, things started to look better. I have clear skin, it was rosy and glowing and everyone notices the differences. Even boys start to notice them. Then was when I met my first real boyfriend N. He was great. We enjoyed highschool together. I wasn't the prettiest girl in highschool but I had my share of fame. For a moment there I felt contented. The girls look up to me and they actually wanted to talk to me and be my friend. Boys would come and say I look pretty and all. My boyfriends picks me up from night classes. He brought me to the best places, we enjoyed good food and great time together and I just can't help but to fall in love with him. But somehow things got wrong. My boyfriends got this offer to go to this Uni in the city and I was glad he got in. But I felt terrible because I was just beginning to savour my great moments of being normal and pretty but he will not be around. And long distances relationship proved to be my weakness. When he was away, I started getting know more and more guys. Some of them are way hotter than my boyfriend so I cheated on him with another guy. I was feeling contented because I have never felt so wanted and adored in my life before. I was the popular girl now. I hang out with the prettiest girls and we bitch about other uncool girls. It is a relationship I have always wanted to have just like in those movies, just as fake and as mean.
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